This and That
Q. How many sopranos (or prima donnas) does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One. She holds up the bulb and the world revolves around her.
Q. How many producers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. I don't know, what do you think?
Q. Do you know the difference between a consultant and a supermarket cart?
A. Well, at least a supermarket cart has a mind of its own. But you can fit more food and wine into a consultant.
Q. Have you heard about the lawyers' word processor?
A. No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.
A horse walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The barman says to him: "Why the long face?"
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A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgery. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said: "I'm so sorry, Cuddles has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed: "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied.
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing. He might just be in a coma."
The vet rolled his eyes and left the room, returning a few moments later with a black labrador retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said: "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100 per cent certifiably, a dead duck."
Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$350!" she cried. "$350 just to tell me my duck is dead?"
The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $40, but what with the lab report and the cat scan-"
A. One. She holds up the bulb and the world revolves around her.
Q. How many producers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. I don't know, what do you think?
Q. Do you know the difference between a consultant and a supermarket cart?
A. Well, at least a supermarket cart has a mind of its own. But you can fit more food and wine into a consultant.
Q. Have you heard about the lawyers' word processor?
A. No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.
A horse walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The barman says to him: "Why the long face?"
==========================================================================================
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgery. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said: "I'm so sorry, Cuddles has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed: "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied.
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing. He might just be in a coma."
The vet rolled his eyes and left the room, returning a few moments later with a black labrador retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said: "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100 per cent certifiably, a dead duck."
Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$350!" she cried. "$350 just to tell me my duck is dead?"
The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $40, but what with the lab report and the cat scan-"
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